It's Only as Bad as You Make It

Mary Worth is comedic gold.  That lady is always nosing into people's business, peeking through keyholes, and getting up in everyone's grills.  If she even thinks that you might have a problem, she'll be at your door with a word of advice and a plate of cream-stuffed turkey that-she-made-with-her own loving-hands (thank you very much.)

Her first husband, Jack is his name, "accidentally" died of an "accident."  Her love for the Late, Great Jack is so great, that she spurns the advances of her present suitor, plump, pleasant Jeff.

Personally, I wonder why Jeff wastes his time.  Her advice is just song quotes from the 30's, she's not that rich, and no one can tell what century she is dressed for.

Her advice, besides the previously mentioned Frank Sinatra song quotes, can be summed up like so:

"Don't drink."
"Come and live with me until it smooths over."
"Credit cards are the root of all evil, yes."
"If your heart tells you to marry someone thrice your age with a beard like Brigham Young, do it."
"And don't drink."

Previous story lines have included the following:

Mary Worth accidentally overhears her friend, a financial planner, hear that she is single and oh-so-sad for lack of a man.  Then she ACCIDENTALLY OVERHEARS a doctor she works with say that he's single.  She sets them up and it is, of course, true love.  Romantic sigh, birds in the sky, ocean view sunset and Frank Sinatra.

But!  What is this?  The doctor isn't returning the financial planner's calls.  Mary Worth to the rescue, dude.  She corners the doctor in his office and says, "Yo!  Why are you ignoring the financial planner?  What, is my matchmaking not good enough for you?"

He lies on the couch and says, "It all started with my father."

A father whom he lost touch with.

Mary Worth, in all her wisdom, tells Doctor to reunite with his father.  Novelty idea, right there.  So he does, and like magic their dad-son love is rekindled and Mary teaches the dad not to drink.

The dad dies and Doctor dates the financial planner again.

All I have to say is, WHAT?

Mary Worth has had her share of troubles, though, I'll grant you that.  At one point, she was stalked by a baby-faced Pillsbury Doughboy named Aldo who ended up dying a gruesome death by drinking.  Aldo is a true, blue creeper if ever there was one.

Well, who can blame him?  Mary Worth makes a good cream-stuffed turkey.